Time and Memory

I do believe that I’m blessed with photographic memory. Although it is not as great or perfect as what the other World Geniuses have, it still sometimes throw me inside a depression pit.

As a punishment for me to be able to remember all those memories.

Somehow, be it sad or happy event of life that I remembered, they still make me feel melancholic and drown in the sea of tears afterwards.


Last weekend, my husband and I made a surprise visit to my grandma and other relatives in Ranau. Of course, they were delighted. Making up one room for us in less than an hour upon our arrival.

When I stepped into the room, my heart ached. At the down corner of the bed, there was a neatly folded green thick blanket. For us to use that night.

And it was my parents marital blanket when they were still together.

The flashbacks I experienced were rather torturous. I remembered exactly when the blanket was introduced into our house when I was 5 year old. Its green was too bright back then, I often imagined it was a vast floating rug with stairs at each corner. And I could put anything I want on it. And I can do whatever I want on it.

I remembered how my late father used to lay down under that same blanket in a cold morning, during the weekend and it looked like a long range to me, especially when he laid on his side. I remembered too how my mom used to hate the blanket for it was too thick to her liking.

After we started living with my grandparents, they prohibited us from using that blanket. Because they said, it was too thick though I know they were actually protecting us from thinking too much about our parents.

One blanket, too many memories. Nevertheless, it was one of the best visit so far. I never feel so calm before.

Sometimes right, when I had too much and too real flashback, like as if I was re-living the moment, it made me think that time does not move. Time is static. The movement we feel is cycle instead. And we can’t beat cycle. I don’t believe in time travelling. Simply because we can’t, even with all the given might, we will never be able to reverse or undone the cycling process.

I believe all those memories and events, they floating everywhere around us. Time never brought them away. It is just us who have grown and the space has developed.

Well… Sorry for the rambling.



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