Unfortunate or Damn Careless?

What the fuck? I just accidentally deleted my photo album in my phone. 550 pictures. 

Can I retrieve them back? 


Things I Do When I’m Not Writing

I’m currently enjoying the moment because, I’m going to start writing a new manuscript next week.

My mentor, a bestseller author Gina Yap has assured me last week that my work is quite good already and she even refused to be my mentor anymore.

We’re still friends anyway. 

So, I think that it’s a good move to not to waste anymore time and move on into another project while waiting reply from Fixi.


When I was in my writing mode, I actually had voices inside my head. And I can’t afford to lose the voice. I won’t even layan anyone who was talking to me at that time because once again, I don’t want the damn voices to disappear.

That’s why I have to completely focus on the project or else here come writer’s block!

I don’t know why I tell you that but, when I’m not writing, here’s what I do…..


I ended up giving away 4 bundles of old clothes and throwing almost half of the children’s toys (broken and have become more to weapons than toys). 

I cleaned up the frigde, literally scrubbed the bathroom walls, mopped the kitchen floor 30 times a day and what not. 

Luckily our 2-bedrooms house is so small that I can clean it up 20 times a day without feeling stressful or tired.

I also have made several trips to Kaison and Supersave to buy fake flowers, a couple of small grass carpets, aromatheraphy oil to spice up the bedroom, a tin poster, new bowls and everything else to re decorate the house. 

Love that the kids are appreciating their mom’s efforts to make the house homey and only few times I caught them tried to rearrange the decos. 

Yes. Exactly like that. That’s Yeyen hand trying to snatch the tin poster.

This little arrangement above might look tacky and tidak seberapa but it actually gives me some peace of mind when I look at it. Plus, I’m quite new in the field of interior decorating so, pardon me for my tackiness.

My next plan is to make our backyard to look liveable but I’m afraid of giuk and cacing, remember?

So, gonna put it on hold until I’m high enough to go what the hell, then just freaking do it.


My definition of lazy day is lying down on the floor, watching TV all day and eat whatever food we have in the kitchen.

So, this was what I’m trying to do today.

Until this happened.

Which led to this. 

No lazy day for mommy I guess.

I’m lying on the bed typing this while listening to Joox, with Yeyen squeezing herself between my legs and Reza shouting to tell me that he is having his number 2 and insists to doing it on the potty pot although God forgives me but he actually knows how to use a toilet already.

Yuuuup. Confirmed already. No lazy day today.

EXPANDING MY CULINARY KNOWLEDGE (because I don’t have the skills)

Surprise surprise. I have this mint plant in my kitchen. I’ve been using it in my cooking, which turned me into a skillful cook overnight. 

This helps a lot too. 

I know too well that I’m a pitiful cook so that’s why I’m trying to do better by learning how to use herbs in my cooking. 

Hopefully this new knowledge will assist me to still serve 5 stars rated dinner to the family when I start writing again next week. 

I even cooked an individual dinner for Reza last night. Before this, we always ended up buying his food outside because he’s picky eater like nobody’s business.

Still Successfully Struggling


I don’t have a specific cheat day or menu discipline. I’ve read so many articles about diets, weight loss plans and oh whatsoever else that I conclude that most of the stuffs we see in social media are more to vanity thing than real diet, or in our language, mintapuji saja diorang tu.

I try to eat as clean as I can. I only drink water and 3 cups or 2 of nescafe with small amount of sugar. I don’t do juicing, or detoxing. Plain water is it. I have this tall pink cup that follows me around the house. And I always have plain water inside it.

Yes, invest in a pretty cup or water bottle and you’ll see the difference.

I hit my yoga mat every single night. I do weightlifting, cardio, sometimes yoga, sit ups, crunches and squats. But I don’t push my limit. I just stop if I can’t take it anymore. I won’t plague my mind with this hard, I cant do this

Yet yesterday, I managed to do the 30 seconds power sprint for 5 times until I thought my heart was going to break.

So I think I’m doing good so far.

I don’t do crazy diet like choosing only gluten free, organic, made in USA food products. I don’t do Atkins, Paleo, skinny bitch diet or whatever anym

ore. I’m sick of program like that.
If I feel like eating greasy food, I don’t care shit and have it for breakfast. But I’ll do extra miles in drinking water and working out later that night.

If I crave for Mi Sedap, I won’t refrain myself from having Mi Sedap. In fact, I just ate 2 packets of them (photo) prior typing this. But I only use 1 of the 2 packets of seasoning and will not have anything heavy for dinner. 

2017’s Wishlist


If my manuscript will be finally accepted and published, I freaking want to buy this (or a similar one) before everything else. 

Ring like this is approximately priced at RM600++ but not more than RM800 depending on the weight and your ability to negotiate with the sales person.

Good thing is, as I’m objectifying my wish to purchase a little costly thing like this ring, it helps to curb my excess spending and impulsive buying. 

I hope I could hold onto this plan (to buy only after my work accepted) and didn’t go haywire beforehand. 


Not the easiest thing to do especially when you have two kids, but even right now, I’m still working hard towards it, by trying to think about food.

I know I’m in a good track at least, because my skin condition has improved, I can do 50 to 60 sit ups in one go (2 or 3 reps of course) and my tummy is perhaps getting half inch smaller?

Luckily the kids are grown enough to understand that they can’t disturb me while I’m working out (they still do occasionally). 

It’s much easier to perform my home exercises compared to one, two years ago. So, no more excuses, just no more lame excuses.

This was the peak of my most unhealtiest, fattest self. I hate my face. I hate everything about myself here. 

I used to hide behind my bright colored lipstick so that people would notice my lips instead my fat body. 

I hope I won’t have to do that anymore, by the end of this year.

And eternally.


I took so many nice photos but all ended up stored in my laptop. 


So this year, I’m going to sort them out, choose the best photos, delete the other 799 takes (same photos) and get some of them printed out.

Our only photo album now is the bunch of photos my our wedding day. And yes, Reza’s passport pic and this one photo of our family outing some two and half years ago.

I printed that out as required by Reza’s laoshi. 

Mom’s Secrets


Well, sometimes, I don’t know what to do when my kids did something that is waaaay out of my expectation as a parent. 

Can you believe that I sometimes stood there, motionlessly, almost like a zombie, observing them doing their stuffs instead of trying to stop them? 

Even when I really should?

I feel that, I’m just like them (the children). I’m learning new things every second I spend with them. 

So, I believe I stood there to process the whole incident that I have just witnessed. 

And then digested the fact that oh my God, my kids did that


When Reza and Yeyen engaged in a cat fight, there was a moment where I just couldn’t do anything to stop them. 

I was just too fascinated to see how fast Yeyen’s movement as she attacked her brother. Then how she ran away from him oh so swiftly after that.

Sometimes it happened too fast for me to quickly break the fight in the right time.

They fight averagely 5 times a day, or maybe even more. I’ve lost my counts.

Therefore, of course there’ll be a moment where I was too busy, or maybe just too lazy, to lift a finger, or raise my voice to them.

The fight will break by its own once either one of them cried or got hurt. 

I found that their fighting activity is not a big deal. Siblings fight all the time. It’s conpletely normal.

Is it okay for me to think so?

Or am I just too busy, or lazy to think about it?


Okay,  I’ll let you to jugde me all you want with this one. 

One day, when I caught Reza picking his nose then ate the whatever it is he had on the tip of his finger, I just couldn’t bring myself to stop him in the middle of his action.

So, I waited until he finished (for that round) and when he tried to do it again, I then stepped in and did all the motherly things. 

There was even an incident where I cleaned up Yeyen’s nose and he saw the booger and wanted to eat it. 

He even opened his mouth when I showed it to him. 

I’ll pass it as being a playful mother. I don’t I’m gross enough to actually let him to eat it. 

But I believe at least 99% of human being has tasted their own booger. It’s part of growing up. Just like how we know our earwax tasted bitter!

What 2017 Has Brought To Me So Far


Yup, I finally bought myself a cheap yoga mat and dumbbells weighted 2kgs each. 

I have been trying to maintain my nightly home work out sessions and I think I would give myself 5 out of 10 for the effort and progress so far. 

My pallate and tummy are getting used with the taste of ‘healthy food’ too. The portion control is good but now I’m training myself to drink a lot of water because my daily intake is around 1 liter?

Not bad but I could have done better. 


Strangely, this has been my obsession lately, collecting tiny but sturdy pieces of jewelleries.

My preferance is either 916 gold or 925 sterling silver because white gold or platinum is ridiculously expensive. 

I have already passed few of my rings to my mom because I can’t wear them all in 1 go, right? My next purchase is a silver bracelet for her.


In my whole life, I have written 5 completed manuscripts

If Love Could Sing – I forgot that I had actually written this one yet I always tell people I hate writing romance. But nevermind because this was written when I was still a very young and innocent woman.

I might destroy this one in the future.

Into The World Of Hermonia, now called Through The Banyan Tree – This is my masterpiece, my baby, my everything, my sweat and blood. I know too well that if I had this published, my life will change upside down. But I’m going to hold this until I’m really ready inside out. 

Walking On The String Of Hopes – A memoir. Basically, it’s my biography focusing on my life during the primary school. Will get this published once I got famous (haha, ok perasan). I still cried whenever I read this. Especially when now my father had passed. 

I Am Dusun/Eight Woman Of My Life – This one is crazy. A historical fiction inspired by my great grandfather who had 8 wives (polygamus) and very infamous for being mean, vile, loathed and cruel. 

Maybe I was high on drug when I wrote this. But, no, I was sober and even visited the museum while I was writing this one.

Tebus – My first attempt to write a novel in Malay. And I hope to finally get a breakthrough through this one. 

My next project is the post apocalypse diary, you can read it from my Wattpad. It’s a story that I have always wanted to write, other than children’s adventure (which I have fulfilled in Tebus). 

My future writing plan is to write any story with the protagonist and his father are the small built men. 5′, 5’1″ in height capable of doing whatever other men in bigger size could do.  

What’s Up??

Reza and Yeyen have entered into the advanced phase of fightings – hitting each other with toys – punches on each other’s heads – and screaming. 

Breaking their fights is one of my daily chores now, apart from engaging them in siblinghood bonding activity (coloring). 

Motherhood is definitely tiring but extraordinarily satisfying. 


This was quite an experience to us. Somehow, I forgot to pack their milk back after spending the whole day at in law’s house. It was almost 10 pm when I finally realize that their milk pwoder was still at their grandparents’ house.

Shop nearby was already closed so husband and I decided to deliberately asking the kids to play until they’re sleepy, I mean, too sleepy to even remember about their nenen.

Reza was the first to ask for nenen. I told him the truth and after 10 minutes of coaxing, he fell asleep by his own. 

Yeyen on the other hand seemed to understand that there was no nenen for them that night! After few rounds of lullabies, she was already fast asleep. 

I don’t know either it was luck or what, but the children didn’t even asked for nenen until we eventually reached at the in law’s house again the next morning. 



It was unplanned. We went out for breakfast and husband drove us to Tanjung Aru Beach 1 to let the children play in an infinity space. 

Everything went well at the beginning. Running here and there under the bright morning sunlight. Their steps were all over the vast green rug, with the color of Yeyen’s new dress made all her photos turned out to be pretty nice.

So cute, right? This is my new favorite photo of them two.

Until this happened.

Yes. The fight began.


It went on and on.

Until Reza gave up. 

See what I mean?? 😂😂


Good. I did laundry today and folded 1/3 of the clothes. Kids are doing fine too. And I only scolded Reza two times while guiding him with his schoolwork. 

Went out with husband after he finished working. Only two of us. We had dinner at Upperstar and headed back home to collect the kids. 

I wanted to have salmon for dinner but had to settle with sliced beef burger and a glass of iced lemon tea.

My arms look big in my every picture. While in real life, they’re not too big. Maybe a bit flabby but still fixable with proper exercise and diet.

I hate my hair. They’re just plain and boring and hideous too! And my skin? I look like dried meat, mind you. Need to consume more plain water. Did it today. Hate the frequent trip to toilet. 

Why life has to be this difficult?